Who needs a kid! I want one of these for Christmas

Little Tikes Giddyup N' Go Pony
Little Tikes Giddyup N' Go Pony - don't you want one?

This is one of the funniest ads I’ve ever read. It’s sure to make many horse folks run out and buy one of these for their children and to wish they came in larger sizes.

Only problem? I think it may be a starter pony rather than a pony replacement.

Some people might say there’s no replacement for a real pony. You know who those people are? Breeders and stable owners. Because it’s a fact of life, real horse people are crazy. They dress constantly in horse clothes, they haul their saddles all over the place, and if there’s even a teeny bit of sunlight visible you know they’re skipping out early to ride.

Golf buffs? Star Trek fans? The Manson Family? All of them have nothing close to the devotion a true horse fan shows for his or her animal. Is it any wonder they fight so hard to get you to drop a few hundred grand their way? “Stable fees” they call it. More like a pony-zi scheme.

Anyway, if you’re scowling at us for what we’ve said, you’re probably a horse lover, and you probably already have a perfectly good pony. But if you’re saying “Hey, those Woot idiots are right this time!” then consider purchasing the Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony instead of a real, live horse.

The Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony has the cutest little kicks as it moves- see them happen here! -and it gives your child the thrill of control that some stick hobby-horse just can’t offer. But there’s more! Handlebars and adjustable footrests add safety (Safety? On a horse? When did this start?) and there’s even a brake to keep the Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony from moving of its own accord.

Meanwhile real horses are slowly trotting down the street with frightened children on their backs as stable owners yell “It’s your own fault for not taking authorityyyyyy!” As if it were possible for a child to keep this beast-of-war tied down. What could they be expected to do, bribe them with sugar lumps and carrots? Which, by the way, are an extra expense that the Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony will never require.

Consider this a plea, Horse lovers, to keep your scary death-dealing monster cult away from our young people. And parents, don’t fall into the trap! Let your child laugh and play with a Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony and put all that extra money you’d waste in a fund for their college education. When they get a degree in Not-Wasting-Time-Shoveling-Dung-ology, they’ll thank you for keeping their future safe, and for giving them happy riding memories too. And you’ll owe it all to the Little Tikes Giddyup N’ Go Pony.

2 thoughts on “Who needs a kid! I want one of these for Christmas

  1. Totally hilarious!

    It’s sadly obvious the manufacturers are not knowledgeable *enough* about the ‘horse cult’. If your kid has the gene, there’s not a dang thing you can do about Must Have Horse.

    The second the ‘little tyke’ gets on the cute little harmless stuffed pony, kid will be imagining how much galloping and bucking their bronc is about to perform. Dangerous (but imaginary) stunts will be planned, and you’ll be lucky if the kid doesn’t bring her pony to the dinner table…for the next few years….

    (Of course, if they don’t have the gene, it will be just another expensive toy to find uninteresting in a few weeks.)

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