Riding Rules for Middle Aged Horsewomen

Zelda selfie

Shamelessly borrowwed from Facebook, these made me laugh. Zelda has special appreciation for #10 and I am certainly guilty of #12. I love my Western Sport Sensation (photos soon). One more rule to add: Selfies must be taken to document the event.

    1. We DO NOT need to show up with our hair combed and wearing makeup and a clean shirt.
    2. Moaning, groaning and complaining about aching muscles is perfectly acceptable, as is taking Motrin (or something stronger) prior to a ride.
    3. Helping someone on or off the horse does not mean the rider is an invalid. It only means the horse got taller overnight.
    4. No one will comment about how big someone’s butt looks in a saddle.Everyone will wait patiently while someone dismounts and adjusts equipment. They will also wait patiently until that person re-mounts and is ready to move on–no matter how long that takes.
    5. When a horse is acting up, we will just accept that it is having a bad hair day – it is not the rider’s fault.
    6. Mentioning that it is too hot, too dry, too humid, too cold, too wet, too buggy, etc., is considered self-expression, not whining.
    7. Wanting to be first, last, walk, or just stop does not mean the rider is a wimp. Sometimes it is necessary to teach a horse who is in charge.
    8. We will take time to discuss the important issues of the day, like who is dating who, who is cheating on who and any other relevant information that needs to be passed on.
    9. We will acknowledge that horses are very strange animals and that sometimes, for no reason at all, we fall off of them. If this happens to any rider, the other riders will ascertain that the person is okay and then not mention the incident to another living soul, especially husbands and significant others.
    10. Our horses are not fat, they are “big-boned.”
    11. We need to keep this riding thing mysterious and strange-sounding. If everyone finds out how much fun it is, the price of horses will go up and we will not be able to afford a dozen of them.
    12. If we want, we can show up in English helmets and boots and ride in a western saddle if we feel like it, so we can take more stuff with us and no one is allowed to make comments.

6 thoughts on “Riding Rules for Middle Aged Horsewomen

  1. #1 and #6, and, of course, #9..it took me a week to tell Sue I’d fallen off a Raven. Later, She Who For This Purpose Shall Remain Un-Named went to CA for a vacation, had a ‘riding lesson’ on a strange horse who dumped her. She swore me to secrecy as her Significant Other would have had a fit.

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